Monday, February 20, 2006
i reali wanted to go to the Jurong oil refinery thingie.. went thru this whirl of emotions in that short 30 mins. anger, disappointment, frustration, guilty, sad, sympathetic and wadeva larh. u name it, i felt it. except for happiness tt it. n yea, i was not chosen to go. or shud i say, picked. Mrs Selva draw lots. and i picked a NO for an answer. i was damn crestfallen larh (my username for habbo) lols. anw, i was damn sad n disappointed lor. at first still ok de. den i started to feel angry! i reali wanted to go nt cuz i wanted to skip sch or wadsoeva lor, its bcuz i reali wanted to go ther n take a look. it mite b a once in a lifetime thing since tt place is a protected area. but hell, i couldnt go. n e worse thing is all those hu wanted to go, simply cuz they want to skip sch, got picked. fuck it larh. whateva and whoeva it is. 1 particulary slimy n E-W-W person. make tt 2 can.den Xinyong gave up his slot and then both me and daomin wanted alot. so we went to Selva and asked her if she can spare us another slot so we can both go. den she was like no, no, no. so mean. i don feel tt sad when she said no. but she actually said tt, she would give the only slot to daomin bcuz her results and all are always satisfying. i noe i sucked larh, sometimes but.. i tried kay. i reali tried larhs Selva, i did tys, notes and wadeva. bt still, i plain sux cuz i am stupid okay. i am so stupid can. i was so hurt larh. i felt like crying bt the strong will tt i hav built up managed to refrain myself frm crying there and then. i reali love daomin larh. bcuz she said, " if huiqian is not gg den i am not gg too." i dunno if anyone noticed bt i actually cried there and then. yes, ther and then bt i blinked it away as soon as it came. i felt touched but i didnt noe wad to say den i started to realise tt it would b unfair tt daomin gave up the slot tt Selva offered bcuz of me. i wanted to tell her its okay bt i was afraid i would start tearing like hell, knowing myself as the emotional kind. even my will wont b enuf. bt i did suggest tt to her 10 mins later, after i hav composed myself bt she turned me down. Sarah, Char, Beixi, Daomin and me gathered for a quiet conference at the front then its like they all verh sad for me and daomin. btw, they are picked. i realise i hav reali nice frds ard me. then beixi started to get damn agitated cuz of some stuff. shant say it ere. she started tearing papers furiously den later she started bawling. ok, mayb not bawling bt crying larh. was so shocked. i felt like crying wit her once again. the thing is i cant stand it if pple are crying, i will feel like crying too. like tt day when dm cried at the chem lab, i felt damn sad too n i felt like crying too. but i didnt. i would look stupid. reali stupid. bt deep down i juz will feel this peculiar sense of sadness. well, i am gonna end it like ere. its such a long post. i juz want to write stuff out so i can feel better, but i tink i feel worse. bcuz it makes me rmb how i felt juz now. _______________________i am listening to hui se kong jian by xiaozhu n,i juz feel like crying----
with love
7:09 PM
